The first half-hour of SHE contains more movie than any objectively better film can squeak out in it entire runtime. Horseback kidnappings by Bad Max style villains wearing football outfits with swastikas! Scantily clad Amazonian goddesses! Knife combat! Sex kills! Shirtless musclebound men! Frankenstein monster battles! Nude bathing! All set to an epic rock soundtrack. Just a half hour in and you are exhausted. Your body aches. Your brain is jelly. You plead for some reprieve - however brief - from the awesome spectacle now before you. Yet there is no reprieve. There is no mercy. For this is SHE!
And so, bring out the Mutants! And the Werwolves! And the cultists! And why do the mutants have chainsaws? And why do the cultists like whipping bound, scantily clad women so excessively? And why is there a big ol' lumberjack of a man in a tutu and gas mask? And why is there a sailor who speaks entirely in old cartoon/movie impressions? Why anything? These are points that scholars have debated for time immemorial, and will continue to debate long after "The Cancellation" has rendered all other media obsolete, leaving only SHE!
At this point, you may be wondering, what does any of this have to do with the 1897 novel, "She: A History of Adventure" that the film is supposedly based on? Absolutely nothing. Well I guess the film does have adventure. I guess Sandahl Bergman is a regular Amazonian goddess. That's about it really. If anything, SHE is more like an Wizard of OZ tale, except, you know, with all the sex and death that L. Frank Baum probably had to cut from his early drafts. Take "Return to Oz"; throw in few spoonfuls of "Deathstalker", "Raiders of Atlantas", and "Heavy Metal"; season well with some absolutely bizarre filmmaking decisions and a dash of right proper exploitation; and there you have some idea of SHE!
I could continue trying to review SHE. I could try to describe the plot of SHE to you or list out every bizarre point along the way. But doing so gives only the vaguest outlines of the spectacle that is, and forever will be, SHE. For SHE is not a film that can be described or explained or indeed comprehended. SHE is an experience for the mind and the body. Indeed, SHE even transcends simplistic categorizations such as "good" and "bad". Some people will not understand SHE. Some people may even disparage SHE. But, just between you and me, we both know that such people are knaves and godless heathens, for - simply put - what's best in life is SHE!
10/10. Great! Terrible! SHE!!!